


stop being the white man's whore to james

by novrik



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Badass Lance, M/M, james is cishet white man, nice ending, slight crack, slightly flirty keith, slightly flirty lance, we love the red and black lions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 09:51:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16015454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novrik/pseuds/novrik
Summary: james feels like he's entitled because he is a cishet white man. unfortunately for him, that's not how things work in this universe. lance takes it upon himself to put james in his place.





	stop being the white man's whore to james

**Author's Note:**

> based off [this tweet](https://twitter.com/bowlikesboys/status/1038647354520416256) by my friend

They were recently discharged from the medical ward, doctors signing off the a-ok with each paladin. They made a funny looking group in the debrief room, dressed in civilian clothing and still wrapped in bandages versus the formal uniform of the military, but Lance did not care. He had zero fucks to give about following the rulebook when he had just saved Earth from imminent danger. So fuck Iverson, Lance  _ deserved _ this.

 

In all technicalities, Lance was Keith’s right hand man so they sit next to each other. Lance kept his hearing focused on the conversation at hand but he let his eyes wander towards Keith. The current black paladin was leaning back in his chair, elbows propped on the armrests and hands clasped together. He’s staring intently at Iverson, brows furrowed in concentration.  _ Cute:( _ , Lance thought and then mentally slapped himself. He let out an internal sigh and returned his gaze to the talk at hand.

 

“What happens when Earth is being attacked but you guys aren’t in commission to protect us?” Griffin brought up. “Like right now.”

 

“We got cleared by the doctors like two seconds ago so relax,” Lance drawled out, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

 

“You know what I mean,” the MFE pilot snootily replied.

 

Lance raised an eyebrow. “And I just told you to relax.” Lance lazily smirked and pulled out his bayard. It transformed into his rifle sniper and he tauntingly aimed it in the direction of Griffin. “I could outgun you right now, even in this state.”

 

Lance was acutely aware of all eyes on him. He’s stepping out of line that was for sure but hey, no one was stopping him. The  _ fucking gringo _ deserved it, in Lance’s words. Griffin opened his mouth to speak and Lance reacted within the instant.

 

Five seconds later, Griffin was standing, mouth agape and face slowly but surely turning beet red. Lance had shot above and to the sides of Griffin. The resulting marks have burned into the wall behind him and Griffin’s hair smelled slightly acrid. Lance’s smirk grew wider and he casually stuck his hand out for Pidge and Hunk to slap. They slapped it with returned grins. Oh man, it was always a sight to see Griffin getting his ass handed to him.

 

“Cadet Serrano,” Iverson gruffly started off with. “However inappropriate that display was, I will ignore it on the fact that you’ve made it clear there is no reason to replace any of the paladins of Voltron.”

 

“But sir,” James attempted to protest. “What if something happens to one of the paladins and they can’t form Voltron? One of us could step in.”

 

“Ahhhh,” Lance nodded knowingly. “You, just want to steal our lions.” He stood up and crossed his arms, eyebrows and lips pulled back in an unamused expression. He glanced back at Keith, who seemed to be holding back a smile.

 

“Back me up here Keithy boy.”

 

The black paladin coughed into his fist and Lance swore Keith was trying really hard not to laugh. “In the first place,  _ James _ , the lions of Voltron choose their paladins. By all means, we can have you and the other MFE pilots see if they qualify.”

 

“We should also having a training session after,” Allura suggested, an excited look on her face.

 

“Ooh yeah,” Lance snickered. “Should be fun to watch your asses get kicked.”

 

“For your information, I’m the top pilot at this school with the best stats,” Griffin angrily brought up. (He was totally not doing the ‘can I speak to the manager?’ pose). Again, Lance resisted the urge to roll his eyes. God, get a grip you absolute fucking walnut of a human being.

 

“And Allura is a magical space princess. Sorry Mr. I am a Cishet White Man So Everything Must Cater to Me. You don’t cut it when it comes to special,” Lance snarked back and he left the room with Griffin still standing in shock. Iverson didn’t even bother to tell him off.

 

They’re walking out in the hallway and Lance felt good. God it’s been way too long since he last told someone off. Allura was walking in step with him, a question poised on her lips.

 

“Is he always like that?” she whispered, side eyeing the briefing room.

 

“More or less,” he replied drily. 

 

“I would love to ‘throw hands’ with him in a training session,” she air-quoted with her fingers.

 

Lance snickered, “Absolutely, Princess. I would love to see that too.”

 

“I am using that phrase correctly, yes?”

 

“Perfect usage.”

 

And so they made their way to where the Lions staying, outside ready to go at a moment’s notice. Each paladin stood next to their respective lion. Shiro also stood with Keith, the Black Lion’s presence still prominent in his mind.

 

The MFE pilots had to run to catch up for their leader was still in a pissy mood. Lance, leaning against the Red Lion’s front paw, tipped his head back to disapprovingly shake his head at Keith. The half-galra quirked his lips up.

 

There’s a low rumbling in the back of Lance’s mind.  _ Keith wants me to eject that…..subpar human being out instead of just raising the particle barrier, _ Red irritatingly grumbled. Lance stood up straight again, smiling with glee, to face James who was standing huffing and puffing within the center of the Lions.

 

_ I think that is a wonderful idea, _ Lance voiced his opinion back. Red hissed back.  _ Oh don’t be a big baby, Red. For the greater good, _ Lance reasoned. Lance took the silence as a yes.

 

While the MFE pilots took in the sight of the Lions, Lance shot a quick message to his previous lion.  _ Blue, girl, don’t let that piece of shit vermin even get close to you. In fact, just don’t even think about any of them. _ Blue laughed along good naturedly but she assured him that she would only ever let him or Allura pilot her.

 

With his fears resolved, Lance returned his attention back to James.

 

“I am going to assume the Lions pick their pilot based on specific traits so if one of you could tell me about each of them that’d be appreciated.”

 

“Actually,” Shiro started. “Why don’t you just stand at each Lion and see what happens?”

 

Oh Shiro, you fucking chaotic gay. Lance sure loved that man.

 

James warily eyed each lion. “Alright, I’ll take Shirogane’s word for it.”

 

He started at the Yellow Lion who chose to put up the particle barrier. Hunk did his best to keep a straight face and be polite.

 

“She says you’re a rude little bitch,” Hunk repeated, the lack of emotion on his face making Lance crack up. Keith, who had ended up standing next to him, elbowed Lance to get him to stop.

 

James took a step in the direction of the Green Lion but then abruptly stopped because the lion disappeared. Pidge gave him a shrug, words clearly not needed. James huffed and turned on his heels towards the Blue Lion.

 

She promptly elected to raise her particle barrier. Allura brought a hand to her mouth, covering up her laugh.

 

“Blue tells me you’ve got a stick up your ass,” she haughtily informed him, her royal accent adding insult to injury.

 

“I suppose I’m going to receive a similar reaction from the other lions,” James griped.

 

“You don’t know until you’ve tried, Griffin.”

 

“Wouldn’t you know Kogane,” James sneered back.

 

“Watch your mouth Griffin. We’re not cadets anymore. I  _ am _ the leader of Voltron and what are you?”

 

Oh ho ho. This was getting good. Real fuckin spicy drama. Lance vaguely remembered the last time James and Keith had gotten into an altercation and if he was honest, he wouldn’t have minded seeing a repeat of history.

 

The hangar surprisingly opened for James but little does he know what was to come for him. Lance and Keith followed him in. The MFE pilot seated himself in the pilot’s seat, a smirk growing across his face.

 

“I could totally pilot one of these Lions. There’s nothing special about this,” he confidently spoke aloud.

 

“Are you sure?” asked Lance with his eyebrows raised and leaning back against the control panel. Keith mirrored Lance, arms folded across his chest.

 

Before James could give a reply, Red violently ejected him from the seat and he bounced along the hangar, tumbling hard into the ground.

 

“Oops!” Lance cried out, faking concern. “Turns out Red absolutely fucking abhors you for what you did to Keith in the past and he would love to crush you underfoot,” he explained, tone cheery and bright.

 

“Too bad, so sad,” Keith waved back.

 

James picked himself up and dusted the dirt off of him. “There’s one Lion left and it’s meant for leaders. We’ll see Kogane.”

 

Keith, unamused, slowly nodded back to show how much he really thought of James being the Black Paladin was to happen. “Go ahead Griffin. Stand in front of the Black Lion and see what happens.”

 

Lance had a feeling something really dramatic was about to happen.

 

“You’re such a fucking drama queen,” he jokingly whispered to Keith as they walked down Red’s hangar.

 

“Lance, I don’t think anyone could amount to your level of drama queen,” Keith whispered back, smile returning.

 

Oh. Okay:). Lance could work with this. Haha suck my fucking dick white man.

 

James was in front of the Black Lion, facing Shiro, the original black paladin.  _ How fitting, _ Lance thought to himself. It was without warning that the Black Lion surged forward and the sheer force of her momentum knocked James flat on his back to the ground. She let out a snarl straight to his face, clearly conveying her dislike for the human. She resumed her previous position, looking regal as ever. No one would’ve ever thought she had just lashed out.

 

Lance was overwhelmed by the Black Lion’s force too but instead of falling on his back, he fell into the broad plane of Keith’s chest. Keith steadied Lance, whose face was extremely hot.

 

“O-oh thanks Keith,” he squeaked. 

 

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal. You good though? You look a little flushed,” Keith mentioned concernedly.

 

“It’s nothing. But um, haha, did you ask the Black Lion to do that?” Lance switched topics.

 

“Actually, it was all Shiro’s idea. I like to think the Black Lion does share some sentiment over me though.”

 

By now, James was fuming. Lance swore he could see smoke coming out of his ridiculously red ears. White people and their ability to easily get red. He stormed off past the other MFE pilots.

 

“C’mon, we’re wasting our time here. Let’s go,” he ordered.

 

“Don’t we get a chance?” someone asked. Lance didn’t know them very well but he was sure her name was like Nadia or something. 

 

All the Lions raised their particle barriers in response. Nadia shut her mouth.

 

“Oh, would you look at that,” Lance crooned. “The white man doesn’t get what he wants. How sad.”

 

James whirled around, the anger tangible from his body language. “Oh shut up Serrano. You’re just a boy from Cuba. There’s nothing special about you.”

 

Lance schooled his features into those of a neutral expression. He was aware of Keith on his side prepared to step in but he also expected the right hook from James and sidestepped it easily. Lance ducked under James’ reach, punched hard at his solar plexus, and swept him off his balance. For what seemed to be the millionth time today, James was knocked flat on his back, gasping for air.

 

Lance reached for his bayard and let it transform into the Altean broadsword. He pointed it at James.

 

“The next time you disrespect me, I suggest hiding behind Iverson,” Lance threatened. He kept the point of the blade adjacent to James’ face and looked up. Keith was staring, mouth in a wide O-shape. Heh.

 

Lance winked.

 

“Not just a Sharpshooter now,” he drawled. “Also a samurai.”

 

He’s already on an adrenaline high so when Keith began to walk toward him, Lance felt like he’d die of a heart attack.

 

“Fucking kiss me Lance,” Keith demanded.

 

“Yes sir,” Lance snickered.

 

“Um,” James spoke up.

 

“Shut up before Keith ‘accidentally’ releases his grip on me, resulting in my sword sliding across your ear.”

 

So James was quiet. Lance got to kiss Keith while threatening someone at swordpoint with everyone watching. Good end to the day if he said so himself.

**Author's Note:**

> it's not even slight crack this is straight up a crack fic with a dash of klance bc wow godtier ship yknow
> 
> follow me on [twitter](twitter.com/c9sharpshooter)


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